What do they have to do with each other? Simply viewed, it gets down to the struggle between good and evil, and newsworthy issues of the past two weeks.
I am a member of New Life Church, and Ted Haggard has been my pastor up until his dismissal last week for what has been termed “sexually immoral conduct.” Today is also Veterans Day, and I am running a book fair at Fort Carson Army Base, south of Colorado Springs.
I have spent three days talking with family members and some of the soldiers who have returned from 12 to 15 months in Iraq. I am honored to be in the presence of those who have unselfishly served our country overseas and returned home safely, harbored by their families. The children are happy to have their daddies (and sometimes, mommies) home. Wives look relieved, anxious, happy, concerned all-at-once in their husbands’ presence. The “Mr. Mom” dads are ready to give back, if temporarily, duties of child care to the mothers whose recent concerns were of terrorist enemies and not “is it time to change the baby’s diaper?”
Each time a squadron of troops returns to Fort Carson, the front page of The Gazette is awash with colorful photos of heart-warming reunions—kisses to new babies, hugs to long-missed wives—tears abundant, wetting smiles.
Not so happy-looking was the widely published front-page photo last week of Pastor Haggard and his beautiful wife, Gayle, cornered by news reporters as the Haggard family left home one morning. Writers drooled over the sensational alleged transgressions made public by self-professed gay prostitute, Mike Jones, against the now former president of the National Association of Evangelicals. It rocked the Christian world and our congregation the week before the election, the intent of Jones who stated plainly he could not remain silent about his involvement with Pastor Haggard, a man who strongly favored the passing of Colorado’s Amendment 43 that would define in Colorado legal marriage as only between a man and a woman. Voters felt the same way, as #43 easily passed on November 7. I voted in favor of it.
I have heard some returning soldiers express strong opinions about US politics. They are proud to be in the military and know the media does not tell the entire story of the good they are doing in Iraq. On the home front, some are also concerned about the issue of immigration from Mexico. As I wrapped up yesterday’s book fair, a married couple who both returned this week from the war front explained their solution to building a fence at the US/Mexico border: “We need to do it. The entire border. And for those people we let in, there should be a requirement that they must speak English. And they each need to serve one year in the military, defending the country they want to live in. Then they can stay here.” I’ll admit, it sounds like a good idea to me.
President Bush has said the Iraq war is about good versus evil. I too believe it is. As a mother of two sons in the military (USAF and USN), I support wholeheartedly the US efforts to conquer the enemy who wants to prevent its own people from being free.
Pastor Ted admitted publicly he struggled in his soul with darkness that he eventually succumbed to. He is not an evil man. I know him to be a faith-filled, excellent Bible teacher, now known to have human failings. Yet this past week, we have learned of a new side of him, one that is hard to face: the hypocrisy, the deceit. Aside from the immoral sexual behavior and admitted purchase of drugs, the saying-one-thing, doing-another truth of his behavior has come out, and a world full of people (let alone, our congregation) now should be led to examine their own souls and attitudes before they point a finger at another and cry, "Liar." That doesn't mean we brush under the rug what this revelation tells everyone about Ted Haggard. Let's instead do a personal assessment of our own integrity and honesty and go on to become better people. Because being a hypocrit and deceiver is just as much a sin as any other. Choose good and "right" instead of evil and "wrong." How does one know the difference? I'd suggest start by reading the Bible as an instruction guide for how to do it right. That's my reference guide for life, and still, I too know I fall short. It's in the trying where there are blessings.
Our church will survive. As Interim Pastor Ross Parsley stated in last Sunday’s sermon, Pastor Haggard is “public proof that every person is indeed in need of a Savior.”
As we come into this Christmas season, let the world news shout of the one who came to conquer evil—Jesus Christ, the son of God. In only Him can eternal salvation be found. Through only Him, when this world as we know it passes away, will evil be banished.
In the meantime, we will yet struggle with wars, earthly temptations and human weaknesses. New Life Church has been open about what is going on internally. For that, I am grateful because it's the way a healthy family works.
I also thank God for the soldiers of our country and the soldiers of Jesus Christ who stand tall to do battle for others’ sakes in this world darkened by the evil that is sometimes unconquerable. It’s only for a while.
7 comments:
This has NOT been sent by Dan Savage or anyone at the New York Times. It has been forwarded by private citizen: Chris, NY, NY/The Hamptons
Quote of the Day
"Because today it is arguably more shameful and damaging to be a hypocritical closet case than it is to be a sex worker."
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/08/opinion/08savage.html
November 8, 2006
Op-Ed Contributor
The Code of the Callboy
By DAN SAVAGE
Seattle
I ONCE had a friend who did sex work, which is a nice way of saying that he was a prostitute.
He was based in Los Angeles and one of his clients was a movie star. Not just any movie star, but a top male movie star. A sex symbol. This guy used to fly my friend first class to far-flung locales, usually to unwind after a big location shoot.
Sorry, but I can’t tell you who this movie star is. It’s not that I’m afraid of being sued or that I disapprove of outing. Nope, the reason I can’t tell you the name of this movie star is, well, I don’t know it. No matter how many times I asked, no matter how much I pried, my friend simply wouldn’t tell me the guy’s name. My friend wouldn’t even tell me where he was meeting his famous client, lest the places where his films were being shot offered a telling clue.
My friend took the callboy’s code of silence seriously.
Besides the sheer scale of the hypocrisy, the Ted Haggard scandal doesn’t tell us much we don’t already know about closeted gay or bisexual men; closet cases will take enormous risks to get their needs met and will often do great harm to themselves and to those they profess to love. What’s new in the Haggard scandal — perhaps we should call it a flameout — is the refusal of Mike Jones, a former male prostitute, to honor the callboy’s code of silence, the omertà of gay hookerdom.
On the Web site where Mr. Haggard is said to have found Mr. Jones, the callboys describe themselves as discreet. That’s their solemn promise not to blab to the wife, if you’re married; to the tabloids (or prying friends), if you’re a movie star; to your congregation, if you’re one of the most powerful evangelical ministers in the country. The fear that callboys can no longer be trusted will make the lives of men like Ted Haggard that much more lonely and difficult.
Back in the bad old days — the mythical 1950s, the era social conservatives pine for — most gay men were closeted, which made it relatively easy for them to arrange discreet trysts. You could rely on the discretion of your sex partners because they were relying on yours. It was the era of mutually assured destruction, both in terms of nuclear warfare and gay sex. Your partner couldn’t reveal your secret without revealing his own.
Needless to say, a sex life infused with cold-war-style tensions didn’t lead to many healthy or lasting relationships.
Today gay and bisexual men live openly, making the modern closet a much less crowded place. While once all the best gay men were closeted, now the only adults you find in the closet are the fearful, the pathetic and the hypocritical. The men you meet in today’s closet are the ones with a great deal to lose if their secrets are exposed. They’re gay men with lucrative careers that would collapse if they came out; gay men whose obscenely wealthy families would disown them if they lived openly; or gay men leading large congregations that would dismiss them if they knew the truth about their pastor.
A less crowded closet doesn’t just mean slimmer pickings for men like Ted Haggard, but unreliable ones as well. While once you could be certain that the closeted gay man you were sleeping with would still be closeted 10 or 20 years in the future, now you never know. The closeted gay man you entrust with your secret today may be out next year. As he has nothing left to hide, your secret is no longer safe. Better hope you parted on good terms.
Which is why so many powerful closet cases turn to callboys. It’s not just the callboy’s promise of discretion, but the sense that the old dynamics — mutually assured destruction — remain in force. A callboy can’t expose your secret without exposing his own. There’s still a stigma attached to selling sex.
So why did Mike Jones speak out?
Because today it is arguably more shameful and damaging to be a hypocritical closet case than it is to be a sex worker. Even those delighted by Mr. Haggard’s disgrace — disclosure: I count myself among their number — ache for his five children, all suffering now for the sins of their father. And let me be clear: their father’s sin is not his sexual orientation, but his deceit and hypocrisy. His sin is the closet.
When Representative Mark Foley flamed out, Pat Robertson said: “Well, this man’s gay. He does what gay people do.” That lie might have worked when most gay Americans were closeted, but it doesn’t work anymore. Seventy percent of Americans today know a gay person; for straight Americans, hitting on teenagers, hiring prostitutes and snorting meth are not things their gay relatives, friends and co-workers typically do. (Or not at appreciably higher rates than their straight friends.) An openly gay man is accountable to himself, his family, his partner and his community. He is free to form healthy relationships, which is why he is far less likely to be I.M.’ing teenagers or hiring hookers than some desperate closet case.
Ultimately it was Ted Haggard’s hypocrisy — railing against homosexuals and campaigning against gay marriage while apparently indulging in sex romps with a gay escort — that prompted Mr. Jones to shove him out of the closet. The homophobia promoted by Mr. Haggard and other agents of intolerance, if I may use John McCain’s phrase (he’s not using it anymore), undermined the callboy code of silence that Mr. Haggard himself relied on. Most callboys are gay, after all, and most are out of the closet these days.
And while most callboys will continue to respect a code of silence where the average closet case is concerned, the Ted Haggards of the world have been placed on notice: You can’t have your callboy and disparage him too.
Dan Savage is the editor of The Stranger, a Seattle newsweekly, and the author of “The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage and My Family.”
Copyright 2006 The New York Times Company
Dear Anonymous,
You're absolutely correct. The hypocritical nature of Pastor Ted's actions were wrong. If I failed to convey that in my blog, I apologize. That is what hurts me, and thousands of other New Lifers, almost more than anything -- the betrayal, dishonesty, from a man whom we upheld as a model and mentor. In addition, we have compassion and love for the man, as we do/I do for all sinners. We are only human and none of us are perfect.
Pamela - thanks for reply, but I don't thinkg you're getting it. The main point is that homosexuality is not a sin. It is a natural part of the human sexual continuum of sexuality (see Kinsey research for example. Our gayness is an inherent part of wo we are as human beings, not a behavior we "decide to engage in or not."
It's like having blue eyes or freckles - it's just "is."
Ted Haggard refers to his "problem" as dirt - we are not dirt, those of us with the courage to be out of the closet are not sinners, we are evolved human beings who have had the courage to speak about who we are, and the inherent gay/lesbian identity that is an integral part of who we are as people. I hope you don't reply with "we love the sinner, not the sin" as most Evangelicals are wont to do --that phrase serves as a battle cry for us and is perhaps casue for the hostility many in the gay community have toward people at your churches. When you wake up in the morning do you decide to BE heterosexual? I doubt it. We don't "decide" to be gay act on our homosexuality - we ARE homosexual, and we too are made in the image and likeness of our Creator who loves us equally - gay or not. --Chris
Thanks for a well-written article. It is a serious matter when deceit overtakes any Christian let alone a public leader. May God give mercy and faith to any person in your church who is struggling as a result of Pastor Haggard's situation.
Thank you for your comment. Our church is doing well. We look forward to a blessed Christmas season, particularly with our annual production of "Wonderland." It is Hollywood caliber, but meant to win souls for Christ, not just be an entertainment spectacle. Our acting senior pastor, Ross Parsley, has been doing a fabulous job of leading us all -- his sermons are inspiring and uplifting. Though he is normally our worship leader and a talented singer, he is gifted with his words about the Word of God.
Pamela, my pastor prayed for your congregation the Sunday after the news broke. Our hearts and prayers continue to be with all of you during this difficult time.
Judy,
Thanks for your prayers. We have an amazing acting senior pastor in Ross Parsley, who normally serves as the New Life Church worship leader. Since Ted Haggard has left, each week Pastor Ross's sermons have been uplifting and inspiring. Our church body is strong and we look forward to what the new year brings!
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